contract fun
In this Agreement unless the context otherwise requires:
- The masculine includes the feminine and vice versa.
- The neuter gender includes the masculine and feminine.
- The singular includes the plural and vice versa.
does this mean that a contract for one amusement machine actually allows the company to pepper the campus with 253 of the things? ‘but, but, the singular includes the plural!’
i’d hate to think how gender would come into it.
from too much trust comes disappointment. from too much disappointment comes, eventually, lack of trust. but trust is necessary for life, so too much trust and lack of trust exist simultaneously. confusing.
ten years coming
i finally had a market stall yesterday. it was a big deal, selling my own work. i’d been mildly stressed in the leadup, but it happened, and was even moderately successful.
the day was quite pleasant, if very slow. i showed up before 9am, set up my card table, tablecloth, rubber stuff, screen printing and canes, and proceeded to sit there.
gretchen showed up at ten, as arranged. company was very good.
i talked to a bunch of friends and people i haven’t seen in a while, but even more dashed past not noticing, with the fixed gaze of someone scared a stallholder might want to talk to them and try to get them to buy something.
i made a custom cuff to fit the sister of a friend who was working another stall. she was quite young and thought her mother would kill her if she came home with spikes, so she settled for purple sparkles. she was so happy with it that she kept coming up to show me she was still wearing it, which created some much needed interest. when she asked why i had made one of them so small i tried it on a little boy who was fortituously hanging around, and he walked away happy with blue sparkles. someone else bought a collar with brown knobs on it, and paddy decided my black and silver canes were the perfect accessory for bloodlust that night, and so was very generous – telling me what he thought i should charge for them, then actually paying it! that all came to $70. i probably would’ve done better waiting till the bitter end, but i was already late for my dinner plans.
aurelie had come past earlier, leaving all excited to drag heather back to see my stall. they finally showed when we had packed up and were crossing the road loaded up with stuff. both parties kept walking, and that was the end of the day.
meeting mothers
my life has been very very interesting recently, but i’ve felt constrained by ambiguity not to set anything down in writing. secrets are silly but secrets in blogs are sillier, even if they aren’t really secrets. now all parties know everything, whether they consider themselves parties or not, and i can write what i will. this one i want to keep for posterity!
a couple of weeks ago circumstances conspired to introduce me to heather’s mother an hour after i met meela’s mother.
meela knew all about it, debriefed it all and walked me down from breakfast with her family to lunch with heather’s. i had enough trouble eating a cafe breakfast, let alone lunch! there’s not much between me and heather these days, but i still, or maybe because of that, hadn’t managed to tell her what was going on with me until yesterday. i didn’t really think she’d be upset, maybe she’d wonder why i was bothering to tell her, but the response came back ‘and about time you’re seeing someone!’ i was glad to fill her in on that day, and she was amused. of course she also said that now i have someone around she’s free to be a drunk. i think that’s what i was afraid of – but it can hardly make much difference.
my posters were falling off my walls, my buttons were falling off and my life was falling apart. i’ve stuck some of the posters back up, sewn some of the buttons back on and pulled some of my life back together again. it’s not perfect, but it’s going in the right direction again.
today was sewing day. one person turned up. and i was the only person to turn up to her website workshop on monday. she was the only person to turn up to my last rubber workshop too. one person turned up to my last tap workshop. this fortnightly resurgence meeting was the first one in three that anyone but me turned up to, except for the meeting before the dinner. that was supposed to lure people in – but only peter showed up at the meeting time, so we talked personally and nat cooked. if it’s just me and nat, we don’t have to advertise a meeting time.
but everyone is always so enthusiastic and pesters me to put things on. why don’t they show up? ever?
third day of barefootedness
it was cold today. the ground was still mostly warm though. of course, you don’t know what it’ll be like before you leave the house in a hurry. the weekend made me think that at least midday would be baking again. it was quite a sudden warm spell; my feet weren’t prepared to be let out for three whole days – i can remember walking barefoot twice, briefly, since the end of last summer. my soles have stood up to it quite well, but my calves are in a bit of shock.
it’s lovely though, feeling the ground beneath my feet, the texture of the world. it makes me breathe deeper and remember there are good things in life, even if they’re not big.
on the way you look at it
they may be small, but i remember again that there are a few good things in life. this afternoon i couldn’t think of a single one
ella fitzgerald
driving, even though it isn’t my car
sitting in my car, even though i can’t drive it at the moment
the realisation that i can concentrate on my physics and do the problems, given some klezmer music, and a certain mood
my friends, the few who actually stick around
moments with my other friends, most of whom are really just acquaintances
smiling to approach my pretty house, even if it’s falling down around us
sitting on the balcony now the weather is a bit warmer
all too rare snuggling and conversation with the women in my life
dancing with meela
ridiculous bright joyful dresses
having short hair, even though it’s not right just now
walking barefoot again
king st gelato, though i rarely indulge
king st on my doorstep
hitchhiking, though rare
living with five amazing women, though it’s often a nightmare
a computer that will play dvds easily, though nothing else works yet
my own bed
my bright purple room
my posters, though they are all falling off the walls
that i do good things, even if none of them are working
that we have my vision of permanent queer space, through my efforts amongst others, even though it’s in peril and feels terrible
that i’ve started a newspaper and gotten a few posters up, and an asen stall on world enviro day, if nothing else at tafe
that through this course i got to do metalwork, and will probably get to do welding, even though the entire rest of it is dreary
that i’m learning about the world, even if not much for the time put in
that i’ve met some more interesting classmates than last semester
that i’m on good terms with my head of department, and can get away with things with my teachers
that i’m getting other things done during my 20hrs of enforced desk-sitting
that i’m getting some money for learning, even if it’s pathetic and the price is high
that i don’t have to jump through centrelink, job network or work for the dole hoops anymore, even though i have to sit through all my useless classes instead
that people like my products and workshops, even if i don’t have time for them
that people seem to like me these days, even if i had to cut my hair, move to newtown and put on risque workshops before it happened
that i’m learning to lead, even if i don’t have time for classes
that i can walk into a dance class and learn intermediate and advanced while i’m still learning beginners, even if that means i don’t usually have energy to do it
that i’ve gotten to do some extraordinary travel, even if much of it was hellish and i don’t have time for it anymore
that i’ve studied many languages and have insights into the world from them, even though i still speak none
that i’ve gotten to live in amazing places
that i’ve known amazing people even if they’re not all still in touch, or even friends
that i cut my teeth on exciting and important politics, even if everything went bad
that i have been free and self sufficient and organised and determined and sure and capable and charming and happy and important and good and creative and successful and eloquent and brave and funny and convincing and dedicated and patient and respected and appreciated and valued and understood and loving and solid and interesting and assertive and right and strong and fearless, and can be all of these things again because i have before, even if i am not currently very many of them at all
that i am learning and changing all the time, even if not as fast as i’d like
that i’m accepting help and addressing problems, though they be hard
it may not look all that positive with more qualifications than points, but a couple of hours ago all i could come up with was a list of problems to hyperventilate over, so i think it’s now time for bed.
…that i’ve recently gotten in touch with a few people i’m happy to catch up with, though the rest are neither here nor there
that i have people to give me hugs and massages, as complicated as it all may be
i’m there for someone who needs me, as complicated as it may be
and there are even some good things happening in the world, like smoking being banned indoors, even though it’s still weak legislation, there are more smokers on footpaths and the rest of australian politics is unmitigated disaster
i marched for my rights today, dancing barefoot down the street in a green floral dress and a calico bag that says Newtown Lesbian Militia Since 1973. why am i not happy?
there is a festival planned, people are getting excited and newq might pull through
the tafe sa will still be there, even if i don’t achieve what i want
musc may have been through the worst, even if it no longer exists! there’s a chance for a new start, and good people working on it
i live in the town reputed to have the highest proportion of queer women in the world
i meet people in my own house
people give us stuff
i’m older and wiser
i’m in fair health mostly, nothing dire and constant
i managed to get my degree, if nothing else
the rate of the flow of time
we did something interesting at tafe this morning! we stretched steel and aluminium till it broke, crushed concrete and bent wood. well, we watched these things happen while recording numbers; still it was a highlight. then in the afternoon it was back to the usual, reading and avoiding eye contact with the teacher, trying not to get too frustrated, trying to let go of the hope of learning anything in class, and to not get anxious and mourn, or calculate, the time that i spend there, every day, or the time i’ll need to spend to actually cover the work, later.
at least i’m getting through some reading, sometimes writing some workshops. i’ve already calculated the number of bricks visible in that room: there are a total of 4453 bricks, comprising 3630 pale whole bricks, 564 pale half bricks, 227 dark whole bricks and 32 dark half bricks. i’m not sure where the odd number of whole dark brics comes in, maybe there was an error, but no doubt i’ll figure it out sometime before the end of the year.
nothing to say
things are happening, but i’m too tired to make my brain work. four days a week of tafe hampers my ability to construct sentences.
