i went to the doctor today, to see about a lump on my cervix. i was a bit worried – if it was serious i probably shouldn’t have left it three weeks over exams. it turns out it’s fine, it’s very common, not connected to anything, certainly not cancer, nothing to worry about. i was very relieved, both that i’m not going to die and that they hadn’t needed to stick any needles into me, but it was mixed with resentment. we’re supposed to watch out for lumps because they can be dangerous, but we’re lumpy creatures and we don’t know one kind from another. especially when it comes to ‘private’ parts – ironically they’re the ones especially that we have to drag in to be poked at by a professional stranger before we can know what’s going on with our own bodies. in fact, i was not expected to know about cervical lumps because i was not expected to ever have discovered it. how paternalistic! if i had gone in with a spot on my arm that had changed, i would have been able to ask a straightforward question – is it or is it not a melanoma – and get a straightforward answer. here, my simple answer had contradictory overtones – yes it’s good i came to get such a thing checked out, but really i’m being a hypochoncriac and it’s a bit dubious that i found it at all. how exactly was that?
oh, and they assumed i’m straight. that always makes me feel positive.