aww, i feel special. someone is putting a lot of effort into trying to either convert me or annoy me. it’s not like regular spam, i don’t feel my computer or my data is under threat, so i’m torn between ignoring, investigating this strange world of online christians, and writing them all nice letters to let them know that they’ve got someone maliciously using their services for purposes they presumably don’t intend. and i’d seriously go for the latter if i was sure their ridiculously cheery and welcoming tone would continue once they heard that i’m an atheist. as it is, they’re christians. i can’t trust them to not turn out bigoted once it’s clear i’m neither one of them nor any kind of prospect for them.
the first was from ‘got questions ministries’, they’re american of course. subject: “welcome to question of the week”.
Thank you for subscribing to our Question of the Week.
You will receive your first edition on the first Friday from today.
friday hasn’t yet come, but while i was oh so avidly waiting, another three gems turned up. this one’s from allaboutgod.net, which sounds pretty boring. the mustn’t think so though, since they take the opportunity to use their name no less than eight times. and i just love that capitalisation, i wonder how they can take such a thing seriously – but then i’ve never seen the site and i doubt i ever will. subject: “Verify Your Email on All About GOD!” at least i won’t be getting further mail from them.
We need to verify your email address before you can sign in to All About GOD.
Please click on the link below to verify your email address:
This one is more amusing, subject: “[wholename] Your ChristianDatingForFree.com Registration Information”. i like the nice touch of the password, not so much using my whole name.
Dear [wholename] ,
Thank you for registering at http://www.christiandatingforfree.com
Please click on the following link to activate your account and confirm that all of your information is correct:
If you CANNOT click on the above link, please copy and paste it into your browser.
Here are your login details- make sure to type them in EXACTLY (including capital and lowercase if you have any):
Should you have any questions or comments about anything, please send them to ChristianDatingForFree.com <email@example.com>
The Christian Dating For Free team
unfortunately, this one didn’t stay dead. subject: “Your Account has been Activated”
Thank you so much for registering at Christian Dating For Free!
I wanted to personally welcome you and also sincerely apologize if you had any difficulties receiving your activation email. We have had a couple of problems with people not receiving their activation emails today and I wanted to make sure you were not having this problem.
I have gone ahead and manually activated your account so you will not have to deal with this if it is in fact an issue.
Your sign in details are:
Thank you again for signing up. We hope that you will have a wonderful experience on Christian Dating For Free.
not impressed. activation codes are there for a reason, and this is precisely that reason. now here’s a curious one, subject: “needhim.org: Praise Him!!” i really really don’t need any hims. note the praise bit, complete with exclamation marks, comes from a gratuitous comment by my anonymous giver of stupidity. why would anyone write things like that? it doesn’t say anything. or that’s what i think, as a rational person…
This is to confirm that we have received your request for personal assistance. Please do not reply to this e-mail.
You should receive a personal response by e-mail within the next several business days.
Response Centers staff
P.S. Your Question/Comment was:
and an eager three hours later, subject: “Re: needhim.org: Praise Him!!”
Hello and thank you for visiting needhim.org! My name is Sue.
I’m excited that you made the decision to accept Christ as your Savior. This is the most important decision you will ever make! I know that I have never regretted it!
When you asked Christ to be your savior, several things happened.
-Christ came into your life (Revelation 3:20)
-You became a child of God (John 1:12)
-Your sins were forgiven (Col 1:14)
-You now have the gift of eternal life (1 John 5:11)
These are just a few of God’s amazing promises to those who follow him. Do they make sense to you?
Becoming a follower of Christ is just the first step on a fantastic journey, and most of us need help on that trip. We are completely committed to helping people find God, and then grow in their relationship with Him.
Do you know of a strong Bible-believing church in your area? Finding and getting involved in a good church is critical to growing in your walk with God. There you hopefully will find people who have followed Christ for a long time, who can help guide you in your new faith.
The Bible says, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17). I would love to hear the circumstances that led to your decision, and then answer any questions you might have.
Also, please check out www.LookToJesus.com for a whole bunch of great resources that can help you get started off on the right foot in your walk with God.
I look forward to hearing back from you. Please e-mail me any time with questions — or let me know how I can pray for you. Have prayed for your country because of the cyclone that moved on shore and the damage and injury from such a huge storm. I pray that you and your family are safe.
God bless you today, and welcome to God’s family!
so i thought that was it, but i got this the next day; subject: “Completing your profile on ChristianCafe.com”. this one’s all pretty; the banner reads “Welcome to ChristianCafe.com All Christian. All Single.” fading into a sepia image of a man’s hand with a ring on the middle finger, writing with a gold pen next to a teacup, a pair of wire and tortiseshell reading glasses and an envelope.
Getting started on ChristianCafe.com
Thank you for creating an account the other day. You’ve made the first step towards a healthy relationship with another Christian single!
The next step is to complete your profile so you can let others know what’s important to you. This also gives you access to the Members section – complimentary for up to ten days! – where you can search for interesting people, send and receive email and instant messages, see who’s online when you are, post photos, and much more!Completing your profile in one easy step
Go to www.christiancafe.com and enter your username and password:
Password: [WHOLENAME]HKB632541Be sure to enter your full username and full password as listed above. Your password consists of your username as well as numbers.
wow, my username as well as numbers. the outtake is even funnier, beside a small picture of a laughing couple at their wedding reception, white strapless dress, suit, flowers, tall candles:
“My lovely wife Hailey and I met on ChristianCafe.com. It has been wonderful and we are extremely blessed as we have furthered our walks with the Lord as a couple.” – Jaron and Hailey, Married
Get started now and find out who’s waiting to hear from you!
Want to unsubscribe from ChristianCafe.com? Remove my account
(C) 1998-2010 RealCafes.com Inc. All rights reserved.
and then the next day, subject: “AlphaLife Registration”. someone wants to send me mail for free it seems. of course they’re the church, so we’re all already paying for the drivel.
Thank you for registering online to receive the AlphaLife Newsletter which is produced quarterly. We send out the newsletter quarterly via postal mail. While we also do occasional email updates, the Alpha Life Newsletter is our main way of sharing news, updates and information about Alpha, courses, testimonies, resources and events. If you would like to receive this quarterly newsletter, please forward your postal address so that we can send you the latest copy.
Customer Relationship Management Coordinator
Alpha Australia National Office
PO Box 10, Kerrimuir VIC 3129
Tel: (03) 9899 8050
i wonder what tomorrow will bring??